Everything that quakes

I feel like on needles.

I think that more and more people start to realize that we live in a world where every single one of us is a part of something much bigger.

For example, recent events in Japan ignited amazing worldwide net of support – and I’m not talking about the material support now. I’m talking about many people, (and important point is that they are also the young) show their emotional support in all ways they can think of. Whether it be Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook or other internet sites.

Finally I’m starting to understand the point of social networking. Now, when Japanese are using Twitter to share their misery with the rest of the world, and we, people so far away from it, can read it and feel with them. Be there with them, in a way.

This seems to be the century where the highest form of individualism and egoism meets the true world-wide connection and compassion. Everyone in here is interconnected.

My thoughts are with the Japanese right now.

manifesto

the Bible & the rainbows

With this particular topic, I find it hard to express myself.
There is so much fear, misunderstanding, intolerance and hate in this issue that I feel like whatever I’d say it would be like stirring the fire with a stick.
I leave the speaking to others. In this case, I think I can do better with just my thoughts and my actions.

I find this pamphlet very enlightening:
What the Bible Says – And Doesn’t Say – About Homosexuality

This era I live in is the big era of changes in human thinking, I believe. We are making a big step forward, and such steps are never easy. Has never been.

It is crucially important to have belief in a better tomorrow.

My generation

The world has already warmed up, and I guess we all can feel it. Floods (recently in Pakistan). The fires (recently in Russia). Here where I live, the winter lasts much shorter than it used to when I was little. Summer is several degrees warmer. My friend in Thailand experiences much hotter summer seasons than she used to. Tsunami didn’t use to be so common either. The world is heating up.

National Geographic made these videos about what happens if the world:

warms by 1 degree,
warms by 2 degrees,
warms by 3 degrees,
warms by 4 degrees,
warms by 5 degrees,
if it warms by 6 degrees it would be wipe out.

We are the generation that did not experience a war yet. We are the generation that has the health of the planet in its hands.

The human did a major fail mistake when he tried to adapt the environment to himself. The natural way is for the life to adapt to environment.
And I’d cry when I hear of someone actually selling blue whale meat in markets. Those people are not only heartless but also mindless.

Some tips about what you can do for the water, more tips can be found all around that place.

Some things you mustn’t ignore. If you do, they’ll get you. This is reality.

Because the environment matters

Recently I’ve been searching for all info about blue whales I could find. They are fascinating animals. They make me realize even more that we, humans, are one of the kinds of life that exist on our beautiful planet, just one of all the kinds of animals.
Our intelligence doesn’t make us anything extra fantastic after all, because it is the most destructive intellect mother nature would’ve never wished for, I think.

This page is beautiful. It has an interactive presentation about blue whales, including songs of blue whales, size/weight comparisons with some of the biggest things on Earth and with the human, it has videos of a baby blue whale being born but also a video of a blue whale getting hit by a ship :[ It also gives information about the greatest dangers for blue whales (unsurprisingly, all caused by humans).

Here you can read more about protection of the oceans.

And here about the environment as such and about what you can do for it.

Please, try your best to protect our beautiful home.

Refuse to be part of a lost generation

I am part of a lost generation
and I refuse to believe that
I can change the world
I realize this may be a shock but
“Happiness comes from within.”
is a lie, and
“Money will make me happy.”
So in 30 years I will tell my children
they are not the most important thing in my life
My employer will know that
I have my priorities straight because
work
is more important than
family
I tell you this
Once upon a time
Families stayed together
but this will not be true in my era
This is a quick fix society
Experts tell me
30 years from now, I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
I do not concede that
I will live in a country of my own making
In the future
Environmental destruction will be the norm
No longer can it be said that
My peers and I care about this earth
It will be evident that
My generation is apathetic and lethargic
It is foolish to presume that
There is hope.

And all of this will come true unless we choose to reverse it.

- Jonathan Reed

Read it now from bottom to top.

Refuse to be part of a lost generation.

Original source

Inception

When I went to see this movie, I was full of expectations. I’d heard a part of the soundtrack and it already managed to blow me away. I couldn’t wait to see the film.

To say I got disappointed wouldn’t be the right words. I got extremely confused.

Somehow, as soon as the next day I came into the phase where I couldn’t wait to see the movie again. I miss it; there’s something about it that makes me miss being a part of that experience.

After reading this interpretation of the movie, Inception became one of my top favorite movies. The interpretation makes a lot of sense to me, and makes me see Chris Nolan as a director with cap D. So it’s not only Zimmer, the soundtrack composer, who’s epic.

As a friend of mine said to me, we are lucky to live in times where you can go to cinema and enjoy a movie that isnt a work of sexism or racism or whatever, but a work of pure human intellect.

Inception IS worth every money you pay for it. Nolan didn’t just make a movie about inception, he did an inception to the viewers.

PS. I recommend to read the article only if you’ve seen the movie at least once. Otherwise – spoilers.

Sources of hope and inspiration

A young girl, Adora Svitak, talking about what adults can learn from kids.

A very inspirational speech given by Steve Jobs about how to live before you die.

Gives Me Hope
Omg-facts
Love Gives Me Hope

LGTB movie parade

I’ve been watching a lot of gaylove oriented movies/short movies recently. Here is the summary of those I’ve seen and my opinions and recommendations.
The list: Velvet Goldmine, The King and The Clown, Gohatto, Kindan no Koi, Plata Quemada, Formula 17, No Regret, My Name Is Love, Big Bang Love Juvenile A, Breakfast on Pluto, Protect Me From What I Want, Eternal Summer, Touch, The Love of Siam, Traces, O Beautiful, Tan Lines, Bent, Shelter, Antique Bakery, From Beginning to End.

title: VELVET GOLDMINE
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120879/
genre: serious
language: English
summary: Glam rock, glitters, wildness, revolution (especially sexual one), corruption.
my opinion: Thought-provoking with lots of amazing music.
plus: music!!, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, the message and amazing quotes
minus: I was so lost most of the time, I’d need to watch this with subs in my mother tongue
my favorite scene: anything involving Brian Slade, preferably when with Kurt Wilde. Their kiss was one of the best movie kisses I’ve seen
recommended: yes
trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jyF4KO6hv0

title: THE KING AND THE CLOWN
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0492835/
genre: serious with funny elements
language: Korean
summary: Gong-gil and Jang-sang and jesters with a special relationship the definiton of which lies somewhere along the friendship-soulmate-love axis. They end up at the king’s palace. They have to give the performance of their lives if they want to save themselves. The king (who is not quite sane and is quite cruel) falls for Gong-gil. A lot of drama happens before Gong-gil realizes where true happiness of a man lies.
my opinion: Colorful! I don’t even need to see all Korean movies to know this one is one of a kind. Very very good. No wonder that it broke records in South Korea.
plus: the drama between Gonggil and the king, Gonggil as such, the message of the story, the funny parts
minus: well, to me, their performances were not really funny :/, Gong-gil being a bit too feminine sometimes
my favorite scene: the kiss scene, the bare back scene, butterflypuppet – Gonggil’s smile scene
recommended: yes
trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFgtDd6TQIc

title: GOHATTO (TABOO)
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0213682/
genre: serious
language: Japanese
summary: Set during Japan’s Shogun era. At the beginning we get to know two new samurais – the sinfully beautiful Sozaburo Kano a plenty of men happen to be attracted to, and Hyozo Tashiro. Soon enough the rumor has it that Kano and Tashiro are lovers. The jealousy among men is never a good thing…
my opinion: Dude, this Kano was so fucked up. The movie has some brutality in it, the contrast of Kano’s beauty and his mysteriousness; he’s a player and can be really cruel. Or I didn’t get him.
plus: theme music, Japanese, the protagonist (the beautiful Ryuhei Matsuda)
minus: the weirdness was kinda a minus kinda a plus; I didn’t get the plot quite well but that’s just me I guess
my favorite scene: the battle between Kano and Tashiro. It was like watching sexing, only there was no sexing. The commander concluded only on the basis of that battle that they were lovers. No wonder!
recommended: yes if you feel like weirding yourself out
trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrUK37WdnWc

title: KINDAN NO KOI
imdb: none
genre: serious? :/
language: Korean
summary: Ok so there’s this guy whose name I forgot. He and Sho are in love, but the protagonist leaves for New York to study fashion design. He did this in order to be able to work in the fashion company Sho’s father owns. When he returns, he finds Sho closed in his room, not communicating with anyone. Eventually, thanks to Sho’s brother, he gets to know about what happened to Sho and tries to get him back. There’s a lot of intrigue involved.
my opinion: At irst it was good. The ending spoilt it completely for me.
plus: the character of Sho
minus: the overdramatic ending
my favorite scene: Sho telling his dad that he’s in love with the protagonist
recommended: if you don’t mind the weird ending, the rest is ok
trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aHAbaR1kkk

title: PLATA QUEMADA (BURNT MONEY)
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0227277/
genre: serious
language: Spanish
summary: El Nene and Angel are like twins – only that they are not really twins, they are lovers and soulmates. Their relationship gets more and more complicated (from a great part it’s thanks to Angel’s mental problems) and it becomes so intense that it’s condemned to leave the viewer breathless at some points. The two get involved in bank robbery, have to flee from Argentina to Uruguay and hide from people. Nene’s affair with a prostitude Giselle sparks even more drama. This drama takes place in 1965 and it’s a true story.
my opinion: I’m looking forward to watching this again.
plus: the acting, the way the two main actors managed their roles is amazing, and whoever came with the idea of them rolling on the floor dressed in just gun belts and some pants is a genius
minus: the plot was a little boring to me at first, but that’s just me I guess
my favorite scene: every scene between Angel and El Nene is just perfect, but to mention one of those that arent between them – the one where Nene tells about Angel to Giselle
recommended: yes
trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Di3H0M8QED0
&& http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxN6n5HeroA

title: MY NAME IS LOVE
imdb: none. It’s a short movie (20 minutes), festival-esque
genre: serious
language: Swedish
summary: This is based on true story. The encounter of two characters, Sebastian and Love, who both share the same secret, turns into something neither of them wanted.
my opinion: The director did a great job in pointing attention to what often happens to be a taboo. A very thought-provoking movie.
plus: the idea, how it says so much while being so short, the actor of Love
minus: no minuses except the length I wouldnt mind if it was much longer at all
my favorite scene: the flirting on the couch, Love’s cry-face
recommended: yes
trailer: none

title: FORMULA 17
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0420627/
genre: comedy
language: Mandarin
summary: Bai Tieh-nan is (as one of the guys calls it) “a serial one-night-stander” while Tien is a virgin guy who believes in true love. The story of these two getting together is amazingly funny thanks to great comedic performances of all the actors.
my opinion: I don’t remember last time I laughed so much during one movie thanks to not one or two, but ALL characters.
plus: gave me soooo many laughs. soo many xD and it’s cute too.
minus: I dont know if this even counts for a minus, but the bartender’s grins were so overmade sometimes xD
my favorite scene: when the two protagonists stand at pedestrian crossing with an elder man in between and he arranges a date for them It was sweet. The first kiss and a figurine involved xD And the mirror session at psychologist’s xD
recommended: yes if you wanna tickle your midriff
trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FnnNkUOUBw

title: NO REGRET
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0996948/
genre: serious
language: Korean
summary: Su-min is an orphan, a poor boy who works very hard to earn money for living. He ends up as a prostitude with ambition to get to college. Jae-min is a rich guy who is getting married soon, but the feelings for Su-min which spark inside him complicate the situation quite a bit. Chasing. Obssession. Love. Betrayal. Surprising ending. Poignant drama, definitely not for just anyone. As for me, I’m surely gonna watch it again (despite of the fact the forest scene will surely make me feel like yelling in frustration again).
my opinion: It shook my world up. It was strong, sometimes even too strong.
plus: soundtrack, acting, plot
minus: first half an hour was a little boring for me; the unnerving scene in the forest
my favorite scene: Jae-min calling for Su-min and getting his ass kicked, then Su-min’s actor’s amazing performance when telling him to get up
recommended: definitely YES
trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjMzt2KoNPQ

title: BIG BANG LOVE, JUVENILE A (OKUNEN NO KOI)
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0497876/
genre: serious
language: Japanese
summary: Ariyoshi gets imprisoned for a brutal murder he commited after getting raped. On the same day, Kazuki is imprisoned for a murder as well. The story starts with Kazuki’s murder in the prison and with Ariyoshi’s proclamation that it was him who did it. Two detectives/policemen are investigating the case in order to find the murderer. This movie does not have linear flow of events! Same situation happens more times with focus on a different character, there is a lot of talks and situations which are out of reality.
my opinion: Wow. I didnt like this and at the same time I loved it.
plus: artistry and poetic expression, the beautiful Ryu Matsuda and the hot Masanobu Ando
minus: I’m losing my belief that Japanese movies could be not confusing :p
my favorite scene: the dance sequence at the beginning; Kazuki and Ariyoshi stripping and Kazuki’s tattoo getting revealed (he has amazing tattoo in this movie o.o)
recommended: ha, yeah, but. What is totally worth watching is the dance at the beginning, holycrap that’s <333
trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijkAWmS-SJg

title: BREAKFAST ON PLUTO
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0411195/
genre: serious & warm
language: English
summary: A foundling lad, Patrick “Kitten” Braden, comes of age in the 1970s. He leaves his Irish town, in part to look for his mother and in part because his transgender nature is beyond the town’s understanding. He’s taken in by a rock band, falls for the lead singer, has brushes with the IRA, is arrested by the London police, works in a peep show, and poses as a survey researcher for the phone company. Throughout, his nationality and his nature put him at great risk. In his search for his mother, he makes surprising discoveries of friendship and family. (from imdb)
my opinion: I’ve seen this 2 or 3 times already. I like how this movie managed to put good heart and evilness of hatred into contrast. It speaks clearly – WAR IS NONSENSICAL. Kitten is so trusting and innocent and if I ever thought I would mind a transgender character, then this movie proves me wrong. Cillian Murphy is just… wow. Actor with cap A.
plus: Cillian Murphy (aka the actor of Patrick) did amazing job!, the message
minus: I’d like a little more lovey-dovey-ness, the character of Kitten is calling for it
my favorite scene: hmm hard to chose, but Kitten dressed like a squaw and singing is one of them
recommended: yes
trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tjsrr8I5D0

title: PROTECT ME FROM WHAT I WANT
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1408309/
genre: serious
language: English (British accents)
summary: A short movie (cca 13 minutes), winner of a movie festival award. Two guys – Saleem and Daz – get to know each other and end up having a passionate encounter. But their expectations differ. Saleem is a closeted, frightened guy. Daz is self-confident, and seeks more than just a fling.
my opinion: I liked every second of it. I would give it an award myself The title is suggestive as such, and the movie didn’t disappoint.
plus: for me personally it was especially the character of Daz – absolutely gorgeous, from his buzzcut through the way he handled Saleem’s first gaysex to his amazing accent (I usually don’t enjoy British accent as much as American but his was xxx); good music
minus: ah, the length
my favorite scene: the thought-provoking and moving last scene
recommended: yes
trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0IW8PNoMUg

title: ETERNAL SUMMER
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0885520/
genre: serious
language: Mandarin
summary: This is a story of Jonathan and Shane. It is about a painful love triangle, unrequited love and about problems connected with loving your best friend.
my opinion: Achingly beautiful. Every minute of it is worth the time spent watching it. The painful situation of the characters is acted so well that it’s not difficult for the viewer to empathize (or to relate). I must see this again.
plus: the theme music, the performances of lead actors, emotions, the way the intimate scenes were handled
minus: for me there wasnt a thing that could count for a minus
my favorite scene: Jonathan’s last question in the ‘this or that’ game, the sex scene, the final scene
recommended: yes very much
trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UN3eWwmVcdo

title: TOUCH
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0303403/
genre: serious
language: English
summary: Short movie (29 mins), about a boy who was abducted when he was a child and abused for years. The movie shows how it changed the way he thinks, how it makes it impossible for him to resocialize fully.
my opinion: The director did amazing job with the point-of-view, with the timeflow and flashbacks, with the interiors; the script is great, so is the work with light, with the music, the camera, I can’t find a thing I wouldnt like. At times I felt like when reading Poe. The psychic terror, the trauma. It shows how far our mind can go in order to save its sanity. The Stockholm syndrome at its best. I can only recommend this over and over again. One of the best movies I’ve ever seen.
plus: the music, the use of light, the acting, the director’s work (Jeremy Podeswa is his name)
minus: -
my favorite scene: from the start to the end
recommended: yes x infinity
trailer: none

title: THE LOVE OF SIAM
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1152282/
genre: neutral
language: Thai
summary: Mew and Tong become best friends when they are kids. However, after a tragic event in Tong’s family, they move away and the boys are separated. Years later they meet again and the story of cute first love can begin. It won’t be unproblematic, since Tong’s family is still having serious problems because of what happened years ago. Mew is in a music band, making it popular with his songs about his feelings for Tong.
my opinion: A cute story about first love and love in general. But it was not something I couldnt wait to watch again.
plus: especially the first part when they were kids was very nicely done; human relationships and the way they are pictured here; I liked the message of the movie as a whole
minus: with the exception of one song, Mew’s band was not good, in my opinion :X; not having the end I hoped for (which is a very subjective minus ;])
my favorite scene: Mew singing the song for Tong at Tang’s party
recommended: yup
trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ir21nKg3Wno

title: TRACES
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1189911/
genre: serious
language: English
summary: He receives a phone call no father wishes to receive. His son had a terrible accident. But it won’t stop there. A short movie (about 20 minutes long).
my opinion: Caught my attention even when I was a little sceptical at first for some reason. It won’t leave you bored for a moment. It is a moving story about a father who realizes he didnt know his son, a son who thought his father couldnt know, and a lover who could never be a part of his boyfriend’s life completely. Another variation on the theme of homosexuality and transvestism.
plus: music, the script is a big plus, it’s dynamic but emotions are not neglected
minus: hm, can’t think of any
my favorite scene: at the club
recommended: yes
trailer: none

title: O BEAUTIFUL
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0310124/
genre: serious
language: English
summary: Andy comes to the after-crime scene to help the victim of it, Brad. He was bashed because of being gay. Short movie (29 minutes).
my opinion: Another excellent, excellent movie. I love it when the form goes hand in hand with what the movie tries to say, and in this one you can see it throughout the whole movie. One of the youtube viewers said (and I agree with this opinion completely): “You really see what they wanted to show… everything! like the kiss….they are not even in the same picture when they’re kissing… this film shows no love, it does not lead to unity, they were always seperated and will always be… they just spent a few moments together by accident and nothing will change”.
plus: the acting, the script, the split screen technique
minus: -
my favorite scene: the jacket/almost hug scene
recommended: very much
trailer: none

title: TAN LINES
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1035498/
genre: serious
language: English
summary: It’s not really possible to sum up the storyline. Basically, it’s about the guy Midget and his group of skateboarders/surfers. His friend’s brother Cass comes home after 4 years and soon Midget becomes his lover. Midget wants to travel away from his current life while Cas has to deal with the consequences of having done so.
my opinion: Very naturalistic and thought-provoking. And very realistic in every aspect.
plus: good acting, nice music
minus: there is a few subjective ones, but I don’t really see anything which would count as an objective minus
my favorite scene: night kissing, the first “I love you” scene
recommended: yes
trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJLCXdIqOB0

title: BENT
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118698/
genre: serious
language: English
summary: The setting is in Germany during the 2 World War. Most of it in Dachau camp. The movie is about the rarely acknowledged persecution and annihilation of homosexuals in the Nazi concentration camps.
my opinion: The psychological side is amazingly done. This movie is very deep and intense.
plus: acting, message
minus: -
my favorite scene: My favourite scene is when the protagonist and another man in the camp are hugging without even looking at each other or touching each other.
recommended: yes
trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtcfmJG3JnE

title: SHELTER
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0942384/
genre: neutral
language: English
summary: It’s your typical romantic movie like the usual male/female ones, only this one has two boys. And it brings up the topic of if a couple of same gender can or can not take care of a kid together.
my opinion: A very pleasurable, relaxing watch.
plus: music, sceneries, the message it tries to convey
minus: Sometimes I just didn’t believe the actors that much.
my favorite scene: The first kiss.
recommended: yes
trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93IVhORpIbc

title: ANTIQUE BAKERY
imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1205551/
genre: light
language: Korean
summary: Jin-hyuk was brought up as the well-bred heir to a corporate fortune. He has got the looks, the money and the charm, but even so, true love is hard to find. Jin-hyuk opens up a cake shop and hires Sun-woo, a talented patissier who had a crush on Jin-hyuk back in high school. Together with Gi-beom, an ex-boxing champion and Su-young, a clueless bodyguard, four unique and handsome men stir up a quiet neighborhood when they show up at the cake shop, Antique. (from youtube)
my opinion: Another cute movie.
plus: the patissier and the French guy :], the family-like atmosphere in the shop, ability to make you also smile and laugh, the unusual non-linear flow (for me it was both a plus and a minus)
minus: A little confusing sometimes.
my favorite scene: The long-time-no-see hug scene between the French guy and the patissier.
recommended: yes
trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltnI4CAP9h8

Other gay-themed movies I recommend:

Touched – a short movie about loneliness and the healing power of a human touch
Secrets – a short movie about a secret getting revealed
Just a Question of Love – French; it deserves a lot of appreciation; it deals with the problem of coming out and features one of the most believable loves you’ll ever see on the screen
Summer Storm – German; very moving story about unrequited love and finding yourself
Were The World Mine – wonderful movie based on Shakespeare’s Midsummer Night’s Dream
From Beginning to End – about incestuous relationship between two half-brothers, I still can’t get over how amazing this movie was
The Mudge Boy – very touching
Wilde – movie about the love of Oscar Wilde and Lord Alfred Douglas (starring Stephen Fry as Wilde and Jude Law as Bosie)
Total Eclipse – movie about the self-destructive relationship between Arthur Rimbaud and Paul Verlaine (starring Leonardo di Caprio as Rimbaud)
The Little Ashes – movie about the torturous and unfulfilled love bond between Salvator Dali and Frederico Garcia Lorca (starring Robert Pattinson as Dali)
and Brokeback Mountain of course – for lovers of this theme this movie is a must I dare say

Aesthetics

A drabble of 396 words written for Mibba in May 2010. The prompt I got was the word bones.

AESTHETICS

For a little while I’m completely deaf. It’s yet another reason for me to continue. It is not normal to scream this loud. I have to shut her up. A part of me wants to hear her scream more, though. If I go deaf then she should go mute.

No one can hear her here anyway. Her thin wrists and her thin ankles are closed in firm grip of iron I bought especially for this occasion. Chains. That word sounds beautiful to me. Doesn’t it sound beautiful to you?

She’s too busy screaming as my boning knife goes deeper, cutting her flesh apart.

And even if she wasn’t busy screaming, I don’t think she’d be able to answer. She barely has an idea about the essence of beauty. She wouldn’t make a good conversational partner.

I look at her naked frame; it’s so thin I want to throw up. All I can see are bones; army of breakable, white and hot bones under the layer of skin and flesh. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin. As on cue my hand presses harder; I cut hard to open her finger. Just enough to get a view of her beauty ideal’s alabaster shine.

She won’t fall unconscious, not for me. I took care of her self-awareness. I want her to be here when I do it. When I bone her like a fish.

The minds of these kids are like fish anyway. They’re mute, living in a massive body of stagnant water, swimming around in complete misunderstanding of their surroundings. Going backwards, to where they were nothing but frail embryos. Boneless. Beautiful. Thin, so thin.

I pull at the blood-covered piece of her but it won’t go. I tug. I look at her face. Those protruding cheekbones. I’ll have to break them to take them out, piece by piece. I bought a strong hammer for that. Her skull will be the last, the most important step on the way up the ladder.

I can see she’d give anything to be able to faint now. I can’t let her. I want her to be like her ideal before she goes, even more beautiful than her ideal. I want her to go beyond self-realization, into the sphere of transcendence.

Boneless. With nothing to carry the remnants of her weight. With no weight to carry at all.